I'm doing a personality fast. I guess it's where you avoid expressing your personality. It's a spiritual thing. I don't know wether anyone else would hear about it or not. When you do a personality fast, you kinda just accept things the way they are, and don't judge anyone and just plain try to slow down. Some people call this mindfulness. I used to think it meant trying to achieve perfection.
During this time I don't know exactly what I want to achieve. I just want to just do it. I'm exhausting myself trying to change the world in my head. It's not working guys. I really wish things were different in this world. I wish people were kinder and more intelligent. I thought that if I practice kindness reciprocity, that Karma would reciprocate. It doesn't work that way. Well, it does work that way...just not on the level that I was trying to do it. ( Not only that, if you are being kind to someone just so someone will be kind to you, is that true kindness?)
Anyway, so this mindfulness or just taking the world in and not trying to will it to change through mental telepathy, doesn't work. It has taken me all my life to actually experience this. I kind of realized it at short infrequent intervals throughout my life. But, when you actually stop trying to spend the world in the opposite direction, a realization that you aren't spinning the world in any direction hits kind of hard. Not only that, you kind of begin to realize that you are not even spinning your own little personal world in the right direction. What a bummer.
Another realization that I've come to as I train myself to stop practicing daily frantic excercises in futility is the subtle and discreet ways that I try to manipulate and control people. The obvious ways that I try to manipulate and control came to the fore a few years ago. I thought I was cured. But, I realize that I still try to make people like me, I still try to scare people away, I still try to make people love themselves so that they will love me. Crazy huh?
That's me on a microscopic level. It's like looking at yucky things under a real microscope, like skin cells and bugs and stuff. Except...It's my psyche.
During this time I don't know exactly what I want to achieve. I just want to just do it. I'm exhausting myself trying to change the world in my head. It's not working guys. I really wish things were different in this world. I wish people were kinder and more intelligent. I thought that if I practice kindness reciprocity, that Karma would reciprocate. It doesn't work that way. Well, it does work that way...just not on the level that I was trying to do it. ( Not only that, if you are being kind to someone just so someone will be kind to you, is that true kindness?)
Anyway, so this mindfulness or just taking the world in and not trying to will it to change through mental telepathy, doesn't work. It has taken me all my life to actually experience this. I kind of realized it at short infrequent intervals throughout my life. But, when you actually stop trying to spend the world in the opposite direction, a realization that you aren't spinning the world in any direction hits kind of hard. Not only that, you kind of begin to realize that you are not even spinning your own little personal world in the right direction. What a bummer.
Another realization that I've come to as I train myself to stop practicing daily frantic excercises in futility is the subtle and discreet ways that I try to manipulate and control people. The obvious ways that I try to manipulate and control came to the fore a few years ago. I thought I was cured. But, I realize that I still try to make people like me, I still try to scare people away, I still try to make people love themselves so that they will love me. Crazy huh?
That's me on a microscopic level. It's like looking at yucky things under a real microscope, like skin cells and bugs and stuff. Except...It's my psyche.
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