My life today is a hard pill to swallow, today. I look around my house, my room, my mess and see nothing but disarray. I’m angry. I live here, in angry disarray.
I’ve always wanted to think that I could live my life alone in a vacuum where people are less likely to hurt disappoint you and cause you pain. I was supposed to take my elder sister to the airport today, but I lost my phone. Now, the next time I need her, she won’t be there for me. She will leave me, abandon me.
Hard pill.
That fact scares me more than the person who burglarized my house on Monday. It is sunny outside today. I spoke to my friend at work. She is having a baby. At 45.
I was one of the first people she told when she first found out that she was pregnant. I was honored to know. She is funny, taking notice of the many changes in her body, enjoying them and dismaying them and wondering why these things happen.
I can’t have anymore-thank God- children that is. At 54 I don’t think I ‘d want anymore.
Sometimes, I think that my world is too small. How do I expand it…make it bigger? More exciting. What do I want from it. Who knows?
Maybe this blog is enough for me.
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