Routine

I keep trying to get my life on a good routine.  I had a good routine around Christmas and then when my manager started bothering me, it kind of fell apart.  I can't really blame it all on her, although I 'd like to.  I've never been that organized as it is. Don't like routines.

Anyway, I did that super hero thing by writing a letter to my director and then got written up about something else I didn't do, after the weekend was over. So, I thought about it for a couple of days and called HR to report her for harassment. Because, I thought reporting to HR was just routine. I got a call back later in the week but, was busy with something else so, I didn't call HR back .  HR didn't call me either so I guess it was just routine, plus I really had to think about it  Was she really harassing me?  I routinely came to the conclusion that yes, my manager was harassing me.  I figured that if I was going to wage war, that I'd better be prepared to win my battles. So, I gave myself the weekend to think about it.  By Sunday, I was going to go through with the harassment claim until, I spoke to the weekend manager which is just routine on the weekends.

And then, I changed my mind.  I changed my mind after talking to the weekend manager because I realized that I wasn't the only one suffering from the dysfunction in the office. It's routine for heaven sakes!!!! And if I went through with the claim, I wondered what would it accomplish. All I could come up with was...Well, I would have stood up for myself. But, what about everyone else... in the office who is routinly being harrassed and is routinely harassing someone else in one way or another?? Since I'm suffering from not being paid enough right now...would  the fallout be worth it?  Fallout is routine when you report somebody.

Some things are just routine... like some of the stuff you have to deal with at work  That was the routine conclusion that I came up with anyway.  Another routine conclusion that I came up with is that if I had a bigger goal to accomplish that I could do it some other way, rather than working for that routine company.  And to fight with their routine culture, would be useless, even if I were to win.

I still need plenty of practice standing up for myself, because I'm sure that this won't be the last time that I will have to do that, the world is full of bullies. Bullying is just routine here. To be honest I really do need to develop a more refined, sophisticated, routine manner to stand up for myself. And even at the age of 52, I hopefully have enough routine time to do that.

Anyway, I was trying to figure out ways to empower myself routinely,  effortlessly.  And there is no routine,  effortless way to do that.  If you know of one, would you keep me informed so that I can put it into practice? Emotional, pain is just routine when you are trying to change.

Blogging this is experience is, a good, routine way to empower me. It is work, more work than I routinely realized. But anything that is routine, is worth, routinely working at.