R U Angsty?

Before I write anything else, I want everyone who reads this, to know that this stuff is very difficult to write. As narcisissitic and -what's the word ?- histrionic as I've always been, I never thought it would be this difficult for me to write about myself and allow others to see.  I've been writing since I was a little girl, but oddly enough, my reasons for putting words on paper or wherever you write them has changed.  I recently had a bout with depression, which I will elaborate on at another time which was different from any other episode of the blues that I had experienced in my life.  Call it a spiritual awakening, an epihany or whatever makes you happy, this last bite from  "black dog" was frightening,  yet enlightening in a creepy sort of way. It was like a fuse blew in my brain  and I could no longer communicate with the world outside me.  It gave new meaning to the term empty headed, leaving room in my head with the option of filling it with whatever I chose...maybe a new life.


Some people would just  call it burnout or "going nuts",  feel better and keep on moving while the next "black dog"  awaited them baring it's teeth and snarling,  at the beginning of a dark tunnel. Not me, I've decided to use this as an opportunity to learn everything about myself that I can.  Although, I've tried to build my life and achieve happiness the traditional, materialistic, American dream way i.e going to school, getttng a job, trying to maintain a good credit rating (which has been futile), getting married and the beat goes on...  I've found that if your journey in life starts anywhere except inside of you, you will eventually hit a dead end. So this new journey that I'm on, examining my anger, the core of my angst (or unhappiness with any and everything around me, to simplify a term) had to start internally.


Anyway, what came out of this was that it was recommended to me that I read a book called "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner.  I'd read this book about twenty plus years ago.  At that time I had borrowed it from a friend, in an effor to gain more insight about my anger issues, and hoping that it would help me learn to control my anger.  I was able to manage it a little better after reading it, buy when I picked the book up to read it this time it was like I had never seen it before.


For me, it has opened up a floodgate of issues that I knew existed but couldn't quite put my finger on.


As I examine the core of my angst, which is anger, life becomes "curiouser and curiouser".  So many aspects of anger exists and it affects our lives in so many different ways, I thought it was worth blogging about. I'm not sure how many posts this blog will yield, nevertheless, I am certain that this is a worthy undertaking...if not a painful one. 

I am inviting whoever is courageous enough to come along with me on my journey. 

If your angsty enough... that is.