I dreamt last night that I was in this large "house" with these two caucasian people: man and a woman who were married., I suppose I was some type of caretaker. At one point, the man propositioned me out of earshot of his wife. At first I was appalled. But, as the dream progressed, I considered taking him up on his offer and actually found myself planning a liason...
Coveting, I've often wanted what others have had because I've often felt that nothing that I have possessed of my own was ever good enough.
At one point my daughter took me on a tour of a new, cheaper apartment that she was going to live in. It reminded me of the rooms in independent and assisted living facilities that I visit sometimes. The weird thing is that she would have a roomate but one of them would have to sleep in the living room. The apartment was nicely decorated but a door was malfunctioned, I can't remember where the door led to. I'm pretty sure, that it was a closet door. (This speaks to my resistance to looking at my skeletons, I suspect).
I remember then being back in this large house, a mansion and I was in the house with my daughter. It was Halloween and I looked out of the window and these two blind guys or dressed as though they were blind, twins, were blind making their way to my front door, using those walking sticks that sight impaired people use to make their way around. I thought that they were coming to rob the house so, I screamed at Patricia, "Dial 911". When the police arrived, they made me and Patricia pull out ID to prove that we were citizens of the United States. So we did. And the police left. The blind people were gone.
I went upstairs and these two sets of twins in a room, on set sitting on each twin bed, one was doing her homework, the other watched tv. I noticed that one was slightly larger than the other. Both were light skinned and wore Afros. Two darker skinned boys were sat on the floor, watching tv.
I went downstairs and two twins, women, were peeling potatoes or apples or something, they were sitting at at a kitchen table, talking. Later they both sat on a green beat up love seat and the boys who had been upstairs, now seemed to be men came downstairs. I learned that one of them and one of the female twins were married, while the other two may have been involved but were not committed...
I remember seeing Pam, my oldest and only daughter in this dream and telling her that she looked different. I told her, "You don't look the same. Your face used to be round." Her face changed as I spoke and I thought to myself that she looked at me. But she was ugly. ( I have always seen my daughter as an extension of myself, seeing her this way as an uglier version of me, is how I truly see myself. As I spoked to her in the dream, her skin was light and greasy, a strange red yellowish color. She had acne and she would not turn completely around for me to visualize her face. I could never get a clear picture of how she looked)
That's all I remember of my dream.
The most significant part of my dream was the twins. They must represent opposite sides of me. The blind twins walking towards the house were not walking in tandem. One was way behind the other. They could have been trick or treaters but I felt that they were coming to take something from me, my house, or whoevers house it was. (I was treating it like it was mine). I suppose this speak to my desire make my way to my psychological house...the center of my angst. This is a new undertaking for me, and I am blind in this venture.
The anxiety I feel in undertaking this journey becomes apparent in my reaction when I tell Patricia to call the police. Why didn't I call them myself? I have alot of trouble setting boundaries... The boundary issue is also apparent in my considering having an affair with the woman's husband whose house I live in and the fact that I am not whose it is in the first place. By the way, being a caretaker in someone else's "house" is what I have always done. Never my own.
The twins in the bedroom, one intellectual and learning, the other goofing off. Two different sides of me.
Then the two boys sitting on the floor, both watching tv, speaks to my negative attitude towards men and their productivity or usefulness in this world as well as the masculine side of my psyche. It's odd that the twins approaching the house were male too...(My hysterics also speaks to a lack of trust of men).
The ladys downstairs speaks to my domestic side. Peeling potatoes or cooking, indicates my desire to have a home. Warm nurturing...intimate, the two twins were sitting at the table, they seemed to be the only pair of twins that had an intimate relationship. The two male twins who came downstairs speaks, I think to my desire to be fully integrated and have meaningful relationships with men, guys.
(Maybe).
Here, I have made a long story short. When I woke up, jittery and anxious, my heart was beating out of my chest. I wrote this dream in my journal so that I could analyze it.
My dreams frequently take me to places that I wouldn't go on my own... The anxiety that I feel can be extreme and frustrating. But, it provides me with a road map that guides me in the direction that I need to go.
The first two people in my dream were white, the blind twins were very light skinned, the girl twins on the bed were, light skinned but a little darker and then the boy twins on the floor watching tv were very dark skinned, the women at the table cooking were brown skinned, a little bit lighter than their male counter parts. I try not to judge people by their skin color but, I can't help but think that skin color is still a very significant issue to me when I look at this dreams, not necessarily in how I perceive other people but how I perceive myself. Female darker skinned twins were downstairs, and the twin boys darker sat on the floor. I was intimidated by the lighter skinned boys outside even though they were blind.
How could blind people rob a "house" that they've never entered before?
On with my journey...
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