Love/Hate Relating To?

I discovered that my love for people grew out of my hate for myself. I crucified myself unconsciously everday for years so that everyone else could live a better life. (In my unconscious mind). The ultimate victimization is self abuse,  is a perverted form of applying the golden rule to life. It tips the scale of reality so far over that-- without spiritual support, self-knowledge-- the only thing that it can do is come crashing down on you

I thought for the longest that complete self sacrifice was the way to go, that denying yourself anything...even the knowledge of yourself was what love was all about.  I've discovered the hard way, that you cannot truly love anyone else unless you love yourself. You can define love through the way that you feel about yourself and it doesn't matter whether the definition is negative or positive--- like beauty, love is in the eye of the beholder.  What kind of love are you defining?

 Love, the word, the concept, love spans so far and wide, that you could write infinately and never a completely define it.  I don't think that anyone ever leaves this would without ever getting a glimpse of it, although we only get a portion of it in our lifetime. I qowonder sometimes though of anyone ever dies without ever recognizing it...at all.

I remember being so repulsed by my existence that I cringed or refused to look in the mirror.  I would serve up my energy, my finances, my spirituality, my emotionality on a silver platter to anyone who looked like or hinted that they might need it.  Even though I chose to sacrifice myself, I often felt resentful at the seeming ungreatfulness of the recipients of my  "generosity" and "kindness".  I often depleted every resource that I had, unknowingly.
Although I chose to do those things, I often felt victimized, never realizing that I wasn't helping people that I provided for or myself.  I have come a long way since then, but I know that I still have a long way to go. P

Human beings don't understand the importance of caring for one another unless someone else lack of compassion directly affects them.