Here Again

I can always tell when I'm rushing again...chronically that is.  I always focus in on things that don't really matter while the things that really matter go swirling by my window in the tornados of time.  Like, tonight, I just focused in on play What Word on Yahoo and I spent two hours looking at living room sets on the internet.  I really needed to finish cleaning my house. I will.  Later.

I woke up feeling horrible this morning and somewhat disoriented.  I lost my place in the world somehow and had a really hard time finding my way back.  I'm almost here...but, not quite.  My day was unproducive and uneventful. It always is when I spend my time daydreaming about who know what.  I wanted the pains in my body to disappear.  But, they haven't.  I'm very sore.
I've speculated all day about what made me sore.  Like...maybe going to the country on the fourth of July to visit Daddy and not sleeping before driving the two hours.  After work I picked up my son and daughter--  the two oldest-- and we drove to the country.  Technically, I was in the car for about 3 hours but drove maybe one.  My daughter drove most of the way to my father's house until my GPS system refused to spit out anymore directions.  I was dozing in the back seat when I heard the panic in my offsprings' voices.

I took over the driving then and we ended up driving for another hour  because, I didn't know which way to go... We finally made it though. Hindsight though, makes me think that a nap prior to leaving the house would have been beneficial.  But, it's too late for that now.  I was in a hurry to get there.  I'm just greatful that we made it safely.

I'm still rushing though.  I've been in hurry mode for the past month or so.  I'm not sure why but, I'm finding it difficult to slow down and smell the roses.  When I walk too fast, I miss so much.  I need to pace my stride.  When I'm like this, I feel like I'm back where I started.

I can't let my life slip through my fingers along with the sands of time...too many tiny fragmented pieces to glue together.  I've worked to hard and too long and watching the big picture come to life, to let the most important pieces chip off and disintegrate.  I'm here again...present.  I'll continue to work on slowing down and stay for a while.