Thursday, July 21, 2011

Vacay!

Yaaaay! Vacaaaaay!   I'm on my way today to Massachusetts with my eldest sister...We are driving and  I can't wait to get on the road.  I feel so suppressed here in good old GA.  I'm tired all of the time and sluggish.  My youngest son is already there.  I am so tempted to pack up what I have and just plan to stay there.  I am all tired out here.  People in Georgia sell their souls for an image.  I've tried to hold on to mine but I am struggling daily to keep it in my body.  (I think that that's why I watch Ghost Hunters all of the time.  It's evidence that I get to stick around a little while after my body dies...just kidding.  That's kind of a gruesome thought).  But, the fact of the matter is that I am tired of being here isolated.  I feel like my life is lived in a little cubicle in the corner of the office.

Anyway...Vacaaaaay! Yaaaaaay!  I have been sluggish all week and I haven't packed a thing.  I went for a walk this morning to see if I could jumpstart my body and my psyche and it worked! ( I let my psychiatrist talk me into taking Effexor about two months ago and I felt like it gave me a chemical lobotomy.  I have these uncanny urges to hit my head against the wall to get my brain to work! I told her that I didn't need it and she insisted. She had been trying to get me to take it for two years.  She thought it would make my life so much better.  I let her convince me that it would.  That's what happens when you respect a degree vs. your own instinct.  I thought she saw something in me that I was missing...so I conceded).

Boy...what a weird experience.  It made me speed. It made me impulsive.  It made colors real bright and it made me hate everybody that I only disliked before.  After about three weeks I called her to let her know that I wasn't taking it anymore.  She was on vacation by the way.  My brain hasn't been the same since.

When I was in high school, we had a social studies class where our teacher Mr. Spencer would take us to an insane asylum to work with the patients.  There was a guy named Harvey who had beent thee president of a bank who went insane and had had a frontal lobotomy.  He smiled all of the time and wore a blank stare.  Never got angry but was known to be violent.  He'd greet you with a handshake and a wide grin...if you were lucky you'd get all of your fingers back! Had Effexor existed back then, he'd probably still been CEO of the bank.

Warning: They tell you not to post this or that or the other on the internet.  I don't think society has a good handle on what should or shouldn't be posted yet. (I mean some fool posted an attempted rape the other day in the name of newsworthiness. I was stupid enough to stare at it in horror for the 2 minutes that it displayed). Depending on who you are...the information that you post can be totally discredited or rejected or embraced with open arms. 


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