If today is the first day of the rest of your life...or mine for that matter, it better improve. Having a difficult time facing myself today. What that means is, I don't like or appreciate where I am. Don't want to accept where I am. Don't even want to see where I am. Why? I don't know.
I hate when I wake up on these days and just feel angry and want to curl up in a fetal position and go to sleep. Even coffee doesn't bring me out of these funks. I just sit there stewing in my own juice, fantasizing about living the lifestyle of the rich and famous and being ungrateful. I don't think the rich and famous have it all that good especially reading all the dysfunction that they have. It would seem that with all the money and bling they'd be able to buy themselves out of their misery. But, nope...!
Anyway, I'm exceedingly grateful to be alive. Even in the midst of my enigmatic despair. I guess that's where this blog comes in. I thought I had cured myself of all of life's question marks. Ha! Gotcha! I knew better than that.
I guess it's better to wonder and think than to just go through life and never ask a question. Then, maybe accepting everything at face value is bliss. Maybe.
I'm working at accepting where I am. Trying to fix my hoarding behaviors. Trying to deal with my issues instead of running away from them. The days of lamenting my childhood have disappeared into the whirlwind of the past and I now must continue on the journey of taking responsibility for cleaning up the debris. Not the debris that I blamed my parents for creating but for cleaning up my own.
I've unpacked the luggage that I was saddled with as I left home and flung the virtual contents all over the room of my life. I need to clean this crap up! I'm working on it. Man it takes time. Time I don't want to take. I'd rather go riding off into the sunset on my carousel horsey and forget about swinging from the golden ring.
Smooches!
I hate when I wake up on these days and just feel angry and want to curl up in a fetal position and go to sleep. Even coffee doesn't bring me out of these funks. I just sit there stewing in my own juice, fantasizing about living the lifestyle of the rich and famous and being ungrateful. I don't think the rich and famous have it all that good especially reading all the dysfunction that they have. It would seem that with all the money and bling they'd be able to buy themselves out of their misery. But, nope...!
Anyway, I'm exceedingly grateful to be alive. Even in the midst of my enigmatic despair. I guess that's where this blog comes in. I thought I had cured myself of all of life's question marks. Ha! Gotcha! I knew better than that.
I guess it's better to wonder and think than to just go through life and never ask a question. Then, maybe accepting everything at face value is bliss. Maybe.
I'm working at accepting where I am. Trying to fix my hoarding behaviors. Trying to deal with my issues instead of running away from them. The days of lamenting my childhood have disappeared into the whirlwind of the past and I now must continue on the journey of taking responsibility for cleaning up the debris. Not the debris that I blamed my parents for creating but for cleaning up my own.
I've unpacked the luggage that I was saddled with as I left home and flung the virtual contents all over the room of my life. I need to clean this crap up! I'm working on it. Man it takes time. Time I don't want to take. I'd rather go riding off into the sunset on my carousel horsey and forget about swinging from the golden ring.
Smooches!
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