I was dead set on relocating. I still might. But, I am reconsidering.
I went home to Boston this summer and had such a joyous time. I always enjoy going to Boston.
I can't say that I loved coming back here to Georgia. I had to go back to work. I don't really enjoy my job. I don't like it. I have been in Georgia for 17 long years and feel as though I have struggled every step of the way.
I came to Georgia to get away from the chaos in my family. My mother constantly fighting with my grandmother and her sister and her brother. The tension was just too much. I had just gone through divorce and was dealing with my aunt siding with my abusive husband. I couldn't stand being in the middle of all the family dysfunction and having my children used as pawns. I didn't get along with my mother either.
So, I left. I can't say that I have enjoyed monetary prosperity here, but I have had a more peaceful life than I would have had I stayed in Massachusetts. Not to mention the fact that my children were able to grow up not being pushed and pulled by family feuds and fights. And I stayed out of my ex's reach. (By the way, after years of not being there for me or his kids...after starting a new family...after breaking numerous promises...he came to my daughters graduation from college and tried to behave like we were old friends. He gets the buzzer!)
So...my mother is deceased. My grandmother's gone. I miss them and appreciate them much more than I did when they were here. I understand them better. I've had to learn to love and understand myself better. That's why. And...
I want to go home.
I feel like a piece of my internal workings is missing. I feel like I need to find it. What good will going home do? I can go downtown to the big library, like I did when I was in high school. I can visit Harvard and Davis Square. I can go to Boston Commons when I get miffed, like my mother used to do and sit on a bench and engross myself in deep philisophical pensation. (Is pensation a word?) I can enjoy the beautiful snowfall in the winter and go to New York on the weekend. I can...I can...
What would I do differently? I don't know. Would I work harder? Or would I spend my time reminiscing and trying to recapture old times? Would I be in an environment where I could focus on and hone my writing skills?
I don't know. What would be better? Have I changed enough to go home and deal with the issues that await me there. Am I strong enough?
Do I really need to move?
I went home to Boston this summer and had such a joyous time. I always enjoy going to Boston.
I can't say that I loved coming back here to Georgia. I had to go back to work. I don't really enjoy my job. I don't like it. I have been in Georgia for 17 long years and feel as though I have struggled every step of the way.
I came to Georgia to get away from the chaos in my family. My mother constantly fighting with my grandmother and her sister and her brother. The tension was just too much. I had just gone through divorce and was dealing with my aunt siding with my abusive husband. I couldn't stand being in the middle of all the family dysfunction and having my children used as pawns. I didn't get along with my mother either.
So, I left. I can't say that I have enjoyed monetary prosperity here, but I have had a more peaceful life than I would have had I stayed in Massachusetts. Not to mention the fact that my children were able to grow up not being pushed and pulled by family feuds and fights. And I stayed out of my ex's reach. (By the way, after years of not being there for me or his kids...after starting a new family...after breaking numerous promises...he came to my daughters graduation from college and tried to behave like we were old friends. He gets the buzzer!)
So...my mother is deceased. My grandmother's gone. I miss them and appreciate them much more than I did when they were here. I understand them better. I've had to learn to love and understand myself better. That's why. And...
I want to go home.
I feel like a piece of my internal workings is missing. I feel like I need to find it. What good will going home do? I can go downtown to the big library, like I did when I was in high school. I can visit Harvard and Davis Square. I can go to Boston Commons when I get miffed, like my mother used to do and sit on a bench and engross myself in deep philisophical pensation. (Is pensation a word?) I can enjoy the beautiful snowfall in the winter and go to New York on the weekend. I can...I can...
What would I do differently? I don't know. Would I work harder? Or would I spend my time reminiscing and trying to recapture old times? Would I be in an environment where I could focus on and hone my writing skills?
I don't know. What would be better? Have I changed enough to go home and deal with the issues that await me there. Am I strong enough?
Do I really need to move?
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