I'm on a glorious journey but, my psyche has come to a screeching halt. I'm standing on the edge of a huge abyss. It is deep and wide. As I look down, I don't see any rocks. I see water...bright, blue calm. A waterfall leads down there. A huge torrent of liquid that splashes violently below as the rapids flow. How can the water down there look so calm and inviting?
I want to get across and continue my journey. I can't stand here for ever.
What do I do?
Do I attempt to jump across the abyss to get to the other side?
Do I jump into the abyss and swim to the other side? (I'd have to climb back up.)
Do I ride the waterfall down and pray that I make it safely? (I'm not that good a swimmer.)
Do I sprout wings and fly across?
The last option seems the most viable. The most likely too. I am not about to try to jump across or down into or ride on a waterfall.
I have written somewhere in my journals before about my psyche coming to a screeching halt. I usually get scared and try to jumpstart it with something. A good book, a new activity going to church. Something to get my creative and thought juices flowing. But all of that activity is born out of anxiety.
Born out of the fear that time is outrunning me. I always put on my nikes and get back in the race.
Trying to outrun the inevitable has always made me collapse from exhaustion.
You just can't out run the inevitablities in life. So, you just live life. And wait.
What are the inevitabilities? Hmmmm. I gotta think that one through.
I don't like it when my psyche gets clogged up with so much stuff that I am too tired or frustrated or anxious or sad to think. I feel numb and dumb. I don't have the energy to go out and save the world like I'm 'sposed to because I am too busy looking after myself.
I am then required to turn my attention my self and my own well being. I used to get so frightened when I had these extended brain farts that I would run around in desparation trying to get out of these periods of stagnancy. Then I'd run so far and so long that I'd tumble off of a cliff and smash onto the rocks. Then I'd regenerate myself and patch myself up and find away to do it all over again...like it was fun.
When I act of desparation, I end up doing the same things over and over again and garnering temporary relief. My thought process is like an internal boomerang. It comes back and hits me in the head. Whammo! It knocks me senseless and I'm off running, time behind me tryna catch up--so I've deluded myself into thinking...
Psyche...screeching...grinding halt. The noise in my head is necessary noise. But, I don't want to hear it. It's valuable information that I don't want to receive at this time. It is tell me that I am past due to change my modus operandi. It's like changing your pin number on your debit card.
I shiver.
I want to get across and continue my journey. I can't stand here for ever.
What do I do?
Do I attempt to jump across the abyss to get to the other side?
Do I jump into the abyss and swim to the other side? (I'd have to climb back up.)
Do I ride the waterfall down and pray that I make it safely? (I'm not that good a swimmer.)
Do I sprout wings and fly across?
The last option seems the most viable. The most likely too. I am not about to try to jump across or down into or ride on a waterfall.
I have written somewhere in my journals before about my psyche coming to a screeching halt. I usually get scared and try to jumpstart it with something. A good book, a new activity going to church. Something to get my creative and thought juices flowing. But all of that activity is born out of anxiety.
Born out of the fear that time is outrunning me. I always put on my nikes and get back in the race.
Trying to outrun the inevitable has always made me collapse from exhaustion.
You just can't out run the inevitablities in life. So, you just live life. And wait.
What are the inevitabilities? Hmmmm. I gotta think that one through.
I don't like it when my psyche gets clogged up with so much stuff that I am too tired or frustrated or anxious or sad to think. I feel numb and dumb. I don't have the energy to go out and save the world like I'm 'sposed to because I am too busy looking after myself.
I am then required to turn my attention my self and my own well being. I used to get so frightened when I had these extended brain farts that I would run around in desparation trying to get out of these periods of stagnancy. Then I'd run so far and so long that I'd tumble off of a cliff and smash onto the rocks. Then I'd regenerate myself and patch myself up and find away to do it all over again...like it was fun.
When I act of desparation, I end up doing the same things over and over again and garnering temporary relief. My thought process is like an internal boomerang. It comes back and hits me in the head. Whammo! It knocks me senseless and I'm off running, time behind me tryna catch up--so I've deluded myself into thinking...
Psyche...screeching...grinding halt. The noise in my head is necessary noise. But, I don't want to hear it. It's valuable information that I don't want to receive at this time. It is tell me that I am past due to change my modus operandi. It's like changing your pin number on your debit card.
I shiver.
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