Okay...I thought that it was sugar alone that made me rush. I haven't really been eating much sugar and I am still speeding ahead...in my head. It is an awful feeling when you don't understand it. When you understand it, it's just plain annoying. So, I have to slow my thoughts down enough so that I can focus on one thing at a time. That's hard. I don't really want to focus on one thing at a time...that is harder.
I know that I need to focus on one thing at a time...or I will get nothing done. Now there's an incentive.
I'm not sure what causes this speeding. I know that I feel very uncomfortable and frightened at these times. I feel like if I don't get everything done yesterday that I will be abducted by little green men and taken to some unfamiliar place...never to be seen again. (Just kidding). Actually, being in this state takes me someplace unfamiliar everytime.
I feel like a tornado and I just can't stop. It is a subtley angry feeling. Like a rage inside that is hidden. I think that when I take my eyes off of myself, it kind of takes on a life of it's own and I have trouble controlling it. I have physical symptoms, like my heart races and I feel tired and tense. It's weird. I'm not sure what triggered this rushing thing.
I think that the rushing must be an effort to get to a place of comfort rather than stay in the moment. I'm able to stay in the moment as long as I don't have a lot of sugar. I am able to accept the discomfort. I just don't like it. I am able to stop and start where I am at. It's easier than before... But still hard.
I feel estranged from myself when I rush. Like everything is surreal and I'm floating around in a bubble like Glenda the Good Witch. Except my bubble never lands or pops. Well it didn't before. And when it didn't I would panic and go bouncing all over the place. But, I can just go with it for now.
And see where it takes me...
I know that I need to focus on one thing at a time...or I will get nothing done. Now there's an incentive.
I'm not sure what causes this speeding. I know that I feel very uncomfortable and frightened at these times. I feel like if I don't get everything done yesterday that I will be abducted by little green men and taken to some unfamiliar place...never to be seen again. (Just kidding). Actually, being in this state takes me someplace unfamiliar everytime.
I feel like a tornado and I just can't stop. It is a subtley angry feeling. Like a rage inside that is hidden. I think that when I take my eyes off of myself, it kind of takes on a life of it's own and I have trouble controlling it. I have physical symptoms, like my heart races and I feel tired and tense. It's weird. I'm not sure what triggered this rushing thing.
I think that the rushing must be an effort to get to a place of comfort rather than stay in the moment. I'm able to stay in the moment as long as I don't have a lot of sugar. I am able to accept the discomfort. I just don't like it. I am able to stop and start where I am at. It's easier than before... But still hard.
I feel estranged from myself when I rush. Like everything is surreal and I'm floating around in a bubble like Glenda the Good Witch. Except my bubble never lands or pops. Well it didn't before. And when it didn't I would panic and go bouncing all over the place. But, I can just go with it for now.
And see where it takes me...
