A Change Needs to Come

When I wake up in the morning, nose to nose with anxiety, that is a signal that something about my life needs to change.   That anxiety is tapping me on the shoulder waiting for me to turn around and look at my life because the way that I'm living it is not working.
My daughter came to stay with me for the weekend and the house is filthy.  I've been trying to catch up with my job ever since I got it and I'm still behind.  And no matter what I do, I find myself in a crater.  I need to let it go.  But what do I cling to if I let this job go? So much about this job reeks that I just can't keep torturing myself like this.  The buddy system exists there, like when you have a really tight circle of buddies and they hide each others mistakes but when you make one they just make sure that everyone knows.  If you are in the circe of buddies, you can kill somebody and no one would ever know because, your buddies who are usually in adiministration cover for you.
I sincerely believe that is why healthcare delivery suffers so bad in Georgia.  I'm genuinely afraid to get sick  at home or in the hospital.  When you fall sick in Georgia,  you are definately risking alot.  I'm tired.  I'm not angry.  I've kind of accepted the corruption that I've seen in this agency.  The resistance of people to do the right thing is just a sinister cloud that hangs over the world these days.  I expect to see archangels flying through the sky on white winged  horses any day now.  ..
Anyhoo. My daughter said she had to leave cause the house was too dirty.  When I got home she was gone.  At first I was mad and I thought "how rude".  But, when I think about the nausea that comes when I'm confronted with someone elses squallor, I fully understand where my baby si coming from.  I fully applaude her for saying, I can't deal with this and leaving.

I wish I could do that.  I am uncertain as to what to do with  this job.  The inconsistency, the exhaustion, the sabotage is really not worth the effort.  I'm definately going to look for something else.  I can't keep hurting myself like this.
Gotta change somethin'.