Still...Forget It

I didn't succeed in my stillness project.  The thing...you see... was that I was going to be still and come to realizations and revelations that I needed to come to.  I would calm my soul and the sea would cry out and I'd mermaid fantasy my way into reality and ride my fantasy rainbow to a pot of gold and live happily ever after.  Big NOT.  My life is steeped in denial.  Not as deeply steeped as before but, still stewing in it's own juice. 

I looked for answers to my lifes issues that were right there in front of me.  I was trying to be still when it was time for me to move.

I realize now that I was not able to be still because I needed to move out of the position that I was in, circumstances if you will and into other circumstances.  I needed to leave a job, I needed to change my diet and I needed some downtime to take care of myself and realize that wether I'm still or not that time just moves on.  Sometimes, it's necessary to be still and sometimes it's necessary to move.  And so I moved...albeit willingly but reluctantly.

I left a job that I was being held hostage in, I'm working on the diet change (it's difficult), and I'm starting to feel better about the fact that I have to take care of myself.  I'm blogging too...I slowed down or stopped for a minute there.

So, I awaken this morning  to a gray sky.  And sleeping children-an adult girl and a boy child.  I'm not ready to rock and roll yet.  I'm trying to blog.

I have many questions in my mind about many things.  Yesterday, my son went to a birthday party at the Bosnian peoples house.  I reluctantly sent him and he was real excited and enthused about going.  He put on his orange plaid shirt and black fedora and decided that he was going to wear it, regardless of how much cat hair adhered to it..  I was kind of distraught about the fedora but I let him wear it anyway.

A long lost friend that I haven't talked to for twelve years.  A long lost boy friend..or would be...or possible boy friend  that resurfaces.  A returning adult child.  And missed trips to Martha's  Vineyard.  Man do things pile up if you don't clean out your closet periodically.

Peaceful...I'll settle for that.