How Do You Choose?

At 51, I kknow that I have choices. I can if I want...I don't have to...Maybe I'll.  How do you choose what is good and right for you?  I know that if you choose what is good and right for you, then, what is good and right for others will come about at your behest. That's a huge guarantee, but I still have trouble choosing what is good and right for me. For one, because I still have a warped sense of entitlement, and two, I just feel guilty when I go to try to choose what is good for me and exclude the opinions of other people, including my children? Then, is it good for me, if I don't consider the people who are not capable of making their own decisison?  Everything, that I have done or decided to do was based on how it would effect my ability to care for my children.  It's basically just been me, them and God. And so, what do I do?

I have been hearing the phrase "your still young"... since I was 20. Okay, so when do you get old and when is it too late, to live your dream life?  Probably when you're dead...

I guess that's when it's too late, when you're dead. 

So, I will continue to try to choose what is good and right.  For me first, and hope that it will benefit others.

This issue came to me this morning because, I visited someone with cancer yesterday.  The person was so distraught.  Questions about her life came to the fore, that the person had never thought to ask herself. She discovered early signs of the cancer because she was taking care of her disabled son.  She, felt so guilty because she had not gone to the doctor earlier... But she was taking care of her son.  I talked to her for a long time, until the tears came...

I hugged and consoled her.  But, I wanted to know more about her cancer.  What type of treatment she was getting, what type of cells her tumor consisted of  and how they might react to the cancer and radiation she was getting, so that I could better help her with her symptom management.  I felt so helpless, despite my ability to give her comfort and support...

So, I thought maybe I should go back to school so I can help other people too.  I enjoy nursing and oncology is my specialty.  And I'd like to learn more about cancer.

I have decided to write.  Can I do both? Or am I trying to accomplish too much? Will I neglect my son in the process? What will I add to the world if I go to school? What will I take away? Am I trying to escape something?

Probably.