The late, great Scott M. Peck understated it when he wrote, "life is difficult". A more accurate assessment is that life is a bitch and hard as hell.
I'm tired today. I have been tired everyday. It is a struggle not to run into the sea and keep running. (I suppose at some point I'd have to start swimming if I want to continue to breath). I had some idea a while ago that life was supposed to be a playground. That we are supposed to be able to do what we want, when we want and run and laugh and have fun everyday of our lives. I never considered the miserable bullies who come over to you while you are happily playing in your sand box and kick sand in your face. Nor, did I ever consider the ones that come over to the swing and demand that you get off so that they can get on.
Not only do they exist for children, but also for adults. Bullies exist at work. They work to suck all of the joy out of you that they can so that they can be the muscle men on the beach. Every so often, they underestimate the 90 lb weakling.
Work is more work than it's worth. I want to walk away from there and keep going. People just have no clue what life is about. It seems that people choose to spend the majority of their lives outside of themselves, in other peoples business and trying to control those things that they have no right or the ability to control. While their lives spiral out of control
It's not only them, but it 's me too. I've been off track for the past few months. I think that's what makes things so hard. If I could just ignore all the crap going on around me and keep moving...maybe. Then maybe that's not what I'm supposed to do. I think that I'm supposed to be gleaning some type of knowledge and strength from this...but it's coming very slowly, if at all.
My situation at work with my bullying boss has got to come to a head somewhere. I'm still traumatized by the events of two weeks ago when she called me and told me not to come to work unless I called her. She had received some complaints from my coworkers and decided that they were true. When I talked to her and asked her why she did this, she said because she wanted me to call her back. Then, she demanded that I write a rebuttal to the accusations and initally refused to give them to me in writing. I insisted, she conceded and I wrote.
I'm still angry.
How can you be the nursing director on an oncology floor and have such a primitive mentality? To put it mildly. I'm still reeling from the fact that she actually had the nerve to leave this on my voicemail. I'm trying my best to let this go. I fully understand why things remain the mess that they remain on the floor that I work on. My thought process needs to move on.
This is why I haven't blogged for a while.
I think it's funny when people apologize in their blog for not blogging for a couple of weeks, a month...or two. It's like they think that all people have to do is sit around and read their blog. I make no such apology. Life happens and sometimes it interferes with your ability to blog. But, I really miss blogging.
I love blogging!!! I don't know why...I just love it!!!
I sit in Barnes and Nobles listening to songs by Tony Bennett. Somehow, it is the most comforting and soothing music that I could listen to right now. It brings back memories and reminds me of my Mommy. New York, New York is playing now. I've always loved this song... Especially when they get to the end and it slows down. I just picture me in the middle of a long line of Rockettes kicking my legs!!!
I was kinda off track before the events at work occurred. Now, I'm really of track. This thing at work has taken me far out of the way. I'm trying to get back there, but the more I seek to get back on track, the harder it seems to get back to where I was. Maybe I'm not supposed to go back where I was. Maybe I'm supposed to forge a new path. That is something to think about!
I'm definately grieving the old scenery.
I'm tired today. I have been tired everyday. It is a struggle not to run into the sea and keep running. (I suppose at some point I'd have to start swimming if I want to continue to breath). I had some idea a while ago that life was supposed to be a playground. That we are supposed to be able to do what we want, when we want and run and laugh and have fun everyday of our lives. I never considered the miserable bullies who come over to you while you are happily playing in your sand box and kick sand in your face. Nor, did I ever consider the ones that come over to the swing and demand that you get off so that they can get on.
Not only do they exist for children, but also for adults. Bullies exist at work. They work to suck all of the joy out of you that they can so that they can be the muscle men on the beach. Every so often, they underestimate the 90 lb weakling.
Work is more work than it's worth. I want to walk away from there and keep going. People just have no clue what life is about. It seems that people choose to spend the majority of their lives outside of themselves, in other peoples business and trying to control those things that they have no right or the ability to control. While their lives spiral out of control
It's not only them, but it 's me too. I've been off track for the past few months. I think that's what makes things so hard. If I could just ignore all the crap going on around me and keep moving...maybe. Then maybe that's not what I'm supposed to do. I think that I'm supposed to be gleaning some type of knowledge and strength from this...but it's coming very slowly, if at all.
My situation at work with my bullying boss has got to come to a head somewhere. I'm still traumatized by the events of two weeks ago when she called me and told me not to come to work unless I called her. She had received some complaints from my coworkers and decided that they were true. When I talked to her and asked her why she did this, she said because she wanted me to call her back. Then, she demanded that I write a rebuttal to the accusations and initally refused to give them to me in writing. I insisted, she conceded and I wrote.
I'm still angry.
How can you be the nursing director on an oncology floor and have such a primitive mentality? To put it mildly. I'm still reeling from the fact that she actually had the nerve to leave this on my voicemail. I'm trying my best to let this go. I fully understand why things remain the mess that they remain on the floor that I work on. My thought process needs to move on.
This is why I haven't blogged for a while.
I think it's funny when people apologize in their blog for not blogging for a couple of weeks, a month...or two. It's like they think that all people have to do is sit around and read their blog. I make no such apology. Life happens and sometimes it interferes with your ability to blog. But, I really miss blogging.
I love blogging!!! I don't know why...I just love it!!!
I sit in Barnes and Nobles listening to songs by Tony Bennett. Somehow, it is the most comforting and soothing music that I could listen to right now. It brings back memories and reminds me of my Mommy. New York, New York is playing now. I've always loved this song... Especially when they get to the end and it slows down. I just picture me in the middle of a long line of Rockettes kicking my legs!!!
I was kinda off track before the events at work occurred. Now, I'm really of track. This thing at work has taken me far out of the way. I'm trying to get back there, but the more I seek to get back on track, the harder it seems to get back to where I was. Maybe I'm not supposed to go back where I was. Maybe I'm supposed to forge a new path. That is something to think about!
I'm definately grieving the old scenery.
No comments:
Post a Comment