Angst-xiety

I woke up feeling anxious this morning.  Yesterday, I met with my son's  teacher for a conference and she noted for me that he had a D in social studies, which used to be his favorite subject. I asked her if there was a way for me to track what he is doing in class because he has been telling me that he doesn't have homework  and I had received a couple of notes on his weekly report that he didn't bring any in. So, I knew that a discrepancy existed between what he was saying and what the teacher was writing.

I must have slipped into denial somewhere...(I don't even feel like writing this).

The subject brings up the question of responsibility and I don't know if this is unique to single African American mothers but it really makes me feel ineffective, inadequate and negligent as a parent.

The first question that pops into my mind is what am I doing wrong?

The first course of action I take is to blame the teacher.

I asked her, "How do I track his work?"
She says, "What do you mean how do you track his work?"
"How do I know when he has homework?", I ask.  "On what nights do you give homework?" 
"Well, I don't give homework on any special nights.  The children write their assignments in their agenda book."
I said ,"Well how do you know if they are actually writing it down?"
"It's their responsibility", she says.
"Well, apparently, my son is not being responsible, I respond. "So how do I make sure he is putting his assignments down and getting his homework done?"

I again look at the that D in social studies, I almost hit the ceiling.

I said, "He has been a straight A student up until now, and I never had any problem with him doing his homework.  I don't know whether he is having trouble adjusting or just not motivated for some reason. That was one of the reasons I asked you a month ago if I could come to come and observe your class because I wanted to see what he was doing." (When I asked her she hemmed and hawwed, I really should have pushed the issue).

She flushed and stared a little.  I repeated, "I need a way to keep track of what my son is doing." 

She finally offered to check his agenda, sign it and then I would have to sign it, as she had done at the beginning of the semester. My eight year old had told me things such as "I don't know where it is, I forgot it"...He did this once for an entire week until I told him that he could not watch tv or go over his friends house until he brought it home.

He's  consistent now.

So, I wake up this morning with my heart pounding...Angry as all get out at myself and my sons teacher.  The discomfort of the anxiety catapults me to the end of my bed where I fall on my knees and appeal to the ethereal powers that be to make the feeling disappear.
I'm sad, and frustrated and thinking about that encounter with the teacher...not only am I pissed at her but I am berating myself for being a bad parent.

But what about my eight year old, certainly he has some responsibility in this? (To be continued)