Losing It

I'm always losing things, my keys....the frustration that I feel when I am searching for them is unequaled. I berate myself. Upheave my belongings. What has that got to do with angst? anxiety? anger? I have no idea but when I lose my stuff, I start throwing things around and my environment becomes more chaotic and messy than it already is.  I envy those of you who are organized all of the time, know exactly where everything is and don't ever go through this. 

Tell me how ya do it? Huh?

Have you ever lost anything and had someone ask you where'd you have it last? Don't you just feel like screaming at them..."If I knew where I had it last, it probably wouldn't be lost!!!" I don't yell.  I usually just give them an annoyed look and say I don't know. 

If I look at the general condition of my house, my room , my bathroom , the kitchen. I'd say that I was totally pissed about something. I could also say I know see angry folks with clean homes but, I'm not talking about them.  I'm trying to get to the bottom of My anger.  What's bothering me.  I don't always know.  I just get this uncomfortable feeling sometimes like I was born into the wrong body or something.

Actually, if I'm honest with myself, I would say that some of my anger stems from being written up at work for someone else's negligence. It bothers me. So, what can I do? Unless, I'm going to take legal action, I can let it go.  Or get some sleep.  All I want to do these days is sleep.  And when I sleep, it's not even a restful sleep.  I wake up 100 thousand times a night. Like last night.

But, I also think that what is bothering me is guilt.  I have so much guilt about wanting to change careers. So, what can I do about the guilt? Let it go...

Much easier said than done.