I can't do my life like my therapist suggests. I have to put God in the front of everything I do. My will is gone. Without my Higher Power, I am totally lost. My will used to serve me well. I thought. It was like the Blob, gobbling everything in it's path. A hunger that never seemed to be satiated. But everything tangible and human has it's limitations. I've come to terms with the limitations of my own carnal abilities. And I hit a brick wall when I try to live life on my own terms.
It just doesn't work. God, has to be in the mix of everything I do.
I was written up the other day at work. It felt really bad, I was really pissed. I've often been written up at work, on many jobs. Some of the write ups justified, some not. But, I was relieved after this reprimand. I'm not sure why. I think that I just expected it. If I'm honest with myself, I wasn't doing what I was supposed to do, anyway. But, I noticed that in many cases, neither do my co-workers.
My trouble often shows up when I abandon my own standards for everybody elses. I don't know how that sounds. But I'm pretty certain that that's what it is. So, I need to continue to hold myself to a higher standard. I used to operate on a higher standard. But, I've become complacent.
I"ve been complacent for sometime now. Society is complacent. But that really doesn't mean that I have to be.
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