New Shoes

I'm feeling like crap right now. It's Friday and I just came from the office that I work out of after ratting out my manager who keeps harassing me.  My head hurts and I'm a little frightened.  I'm really not used to taking up for myself and this feels a bit uncomfortable. I suppose that I will survive regardless of the outcome.  But I have had it with the assaults that this manager visits on me weekly.

Home care is the most dog eat dog health system that I've ever worked in. Nurses are abusive to themselves and each other because of the baggage that they bring into the profession.  I'm convinced that if it weren't for the viscious backstabbing and backbiting that existed within the profession, the nursing shortage would not exist.

I'm tired of it and have vowed to enter another profession.  I'm not sure that that is the answer to the ultimate happiness that I seek in life as I know it, but it seems like it would be.  Autonomy and power is the key to mortal nirvana...

Not.

At the moment, this new me thing doesn't feel very comfortable. Taking up for myself.  The very manager that has been backing over me with her virtual car every week admonishes me to protect myself.  That is what I'm trying to do.  So why don't I feel good?

I guess it takes a while for new habits to feel right.  I guess it's like wearing a new pair of shoes.  You have to kind of walk around in them for a while before they start to become comfortable.  I'm going to have to walk around for a while.  It still feels unacceptable.

I'm a little frightened, but I'll live...