Reality of the New Year

I woke up with the reality of the new year hanging over my head. I entered January 1. with a type of euphoria that I had before but never really paid much attention to.  My head filled with a list of accomplishments or achievements that I would pursue and no idea how I would go about it.  I worked all weekend so I didn't really have time to ruminate on these things and write out a  plan.  On my list was moving, blogging, writing a novel, starting another blog (which I'm working on) fiction, applying to school, starting my own business and hving dred locks put in my hair, buying a new top of the line computer and vacationing on the beach in the south of France... Getting all of my bills paid so that I can improve my credit, join the foreign legion. These are things that I really want to do. And boy the fantasy of actually doing them is as real as the reality. (I was jut kidding about joining the foreign legion).

But.. then comes Monday and ...Bam, reality punches me in the face and I realize that all of these things are feasible, but I have no idea where to start or how long it will take. And then the priority thing...

When I think about it, reality is not an issue.  Priorites are.  I have a little boy and I have to think about him and if I want to vacation in the south of France, I have to think about things like how I will pay my rent when I'm away or if I even want to come back and what we will eat, and how we will communicate because neither of us know french.  It's no daunting but these are things to think about. But then I realize that you can make your own priorities and your own realities, but it's harder to make your own realities.

So I have to think about mine.  That gives me a reality headache.  I know what I want to do.  The shoulds in my life get smaller and smaller everyday.  I don't allow those to chase me around anymore, the way that they used to.  You can should yourself to death.  Life this year for me will be based on what it is that I want to do.  And if it is for me to do...it will become a reality.

Then I