Fear

I have often boasted concerning the fact that I once suffered from agorophobia \during a long period in my life and how I cured it by facing my fears.  The fears that were paralyzing at the time were of objects like elevators, escalators, trains, high places.  It never occurred to me at the time that all of that the fear would leave those places and go somewhere else.

Fear...seems to have a life of it's own I have learned.  I have recently begun to feel fearful and anxious.  It is always convenient to blame your fears on something or someone else.  Fear is always self generated.  I think it is anyway.
So...it can take on a life of it's own if you don't watch it.  Mine has.  These are some of the things that I have been afraid of lately...

That I will be reprimanded at work for going to my aunts funeral on Sunday.
That I don't look right when I go out.
That people will talk about how fat I am when I go out.
That I don't look girly enough.
That no one will like me.
That I will try to please people and they won't ever be pleased.
That I will never get it (the opportunity to live a pleasing and peaceful life).
That I will be like this for the rest of my life.

As reasonable or crazy as these fears seem...I obsess about these thing when I am feeling most doubtful.  If I turn this crap over in my head long enough, I just lose it.  But, that doesn't happen frequently. (At least not as frequently as it used to).

Fear just really sucks.  Believing that what you're afraid of is worth fearing sucks even more.  What if I choose not to fear anything? Then what?

Fear.

It's just a four letter word