From Here to There

As I've decided to journey, by journal/blogging my angst, it is not easy or easier.  I still feel guilty sometimes writing what I'm writing and fearing what people will think about my views.  Forget them.  I'm moving on.  And I have to go where others dare not. So, here we go.

I woke up feeling really bad.  I fell  of of my QuikTrip Cappucino wagon the other day.  I have stopped drinking it because it makes me really hyper.  An the other day, I just went and got a cup and added it to the already 4 cup coffee pot that I drank that morning. 

I love coffee, but the false energy that it provides me with doesn't feel so good anymore.  I guess because I'm older and have my own energy source. Or maybe it's because my brain chemistry is different or maybe my body just can't keep up with the energy false energy that caffeine provides.  Nevertheless, I decided to overload myself with coffee and became very jittery and nervous for two days.

Then, in order to help myself ...I went to the store and bought lots of sugary things and then I drank milk (drinking milk, for me,  is the kiss of death. It makes me very sleepy).  I just went craving crazy.

But I feel better this morning.

A little.

I want to write for a livng.  How do I get where I'm going? I read all of these Zen and motivational blogs this morning by young, handsome, men.. not necessarily white?  What is it that a young handsome man with children and a wife can tell a mid middle aged african american woman single parent twice divorced about changing her life that she will listen to and will help her?

I don't know.  I'll just keep reading.