Changing Life

I tried to tell my elder sister that when you become a middle aged malcontent, job hopping is not the answer.  Your soul, not your pocket is screaming for a change.  I think I offended her, because she came back a few hours later and said something like, I'm satisfied with the spiritual changes in my life...or something or other that I didn't hear quite clearly.  Matter of fact, it took a couple of hours for me to even realize that she was referring to what I had said earlier. 

I'm a malcontent, that means that I am not happy with my life.  I slept in this morning and when I woke up, I realized that I have to make a change.  I have to make some changes in the way that I live my life.  It's kinda scary to think about but it's even scarier to continue in the manner in which I am living.  I just can't keep this up.

I'm kinda living and pretending to be happy but I am like a candle slowly burning out.  It's not the first time that I've burnt out, but it will be the last. That's my promise to myself.

I'm tired of dancing to the undanceable rhythm of societies drums.  I had a dream that someone stole the company computer out of my car and hacked into it making all of the data in it into comic strips.  I had gone to visit a patient as in pay a social call and I had left my computer in the car. It was the red car that was impounded about a month ago when it broke down on the side of the highway and I had not money to have it towed. 

Now I don't have the money to get it out of tow and I've been drivng my daughters car for the last two weeks.

I'm tired.  Trying to hang with my mege-energy sister has drained my energy. I'm tired of drinking cup after cup after cup of maxwell house and tea, when I can't find the maxwell house or have run out.  So what do you do? I have to have money to pay my rent.  I have to have money to buy gas to go to work, I have to...

I'm going to change something, I have to I know what it is....but I won't say.

After, I discovered my computer in the dream (the thieves had put it back), it caught on fire in my car  via spontaneous combustion then eventually the whole car blew up. I asked people to call the fire department but, apparently no one did until the car blew up.

I can't wait for my car to blow up to do something about my life.  The time to fix what is broken is now. It's urgent.

I'm starting today.