As I drove my young son to school this morning, it came to me that my self-image is terribly dependent on my perception of what others perceive about me. I never intended to put the "c" in crazy, but there it is. How do you build a solid self-image on what you think someone knows about you?
You don't.
So here is where I really start getting to know myself. Really.
Anxiety is the mainstay of my psychological diet. I hate it it. I want it to go away and get rid of it. It is a monster that is generated and fed by lies and lifelong guessing games that stem from a poor self-image. I don't know how I have survived all of these years like that. My poor mom. She was anxious 100 percent of the time. Anxiety is a real energy depleter.
I've played Jedi mind tricks on myself and other people. I have found it extremely difficult to look at life and face it on life's terms. Some say that life is a bitch. I wouldn't go that far. No more Jedi mind tricks. But, I think that they are a habit that I have to break. It's like I've been walking around all of my life peeking through my fingers because I was really afraid to look at anything at all.
The "i" in insane.
As the illusions about myself and the world peel away slowly and then again more quickly sometimes than I thought they would I brace myself. It is so much easier to seek out truths about other people places and things than it is to face the truth about myself.
I'm not a bad person. I've just been nuts all my life. I'm not sure how I managed to function all these years with such a distorted view of myself and the world at large.
You don't.
So here is where I really start getting to know myself. Really.
Anxiety is the mainstay of my psychological diet. I hate it it. I want it to go away and get rid of it. It is a monster that is generated and fed by lies and lifelong guessing games that stem from a poor self-image. I don't know how I have survived all of these years like that. My poor mom. She was anxious 100 percent of the time. Anxiety is a real energy depleter.
I've played Jedi mind tricks on myself and other people. I have found it extremely difficult to look at life and face it on life's terms. Some say that life is a bitch. I wouldn't go that far. No more Jedi mind tricks. But, I think that they are a habit that I have to break. It's like I've been walking around all of my life peeking through my fingers because I was really afraid to look at anything at all.
The "i" in insane.
As the illusions about myself and the world peel away slowly and then again more quickly sometimes than I thought they would I brace myself. It is so much easier to seek out truths about other people places and things than it is to face the truth about myself.
I'm not a bad person. I've just been nuts all my life. I'm not sure how I managed to function all these years with such a distorted view of myself and the world at large.
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