I started working a second job. I thought it was a gift from God until I got sick and realized that I had to work five days per week in addition to my other full time job. Then, I thought maybe God was tryna tell me something. I didn't go back to work the first week after I accepted the job. I didn't call. I ignored their phone calls. But, one day I was sitting on the side of my bed and I inadvertantly answered the phone thinking it was my daughter and it was THEM! (That was the following week after I tried to just leave without telling them).
When I answered the phone, I let the administrator con me into coming in the following day. I rode with one of the nurses to some patient's houses. She was real good at what she did. I was kind of enthusiastic and was going to quit my other job. Then, I asked the secretary for the health insurance prices. That kind of put the stops on stuff. It didn't stop there. That Friday, I came down with a stomach flu...a nasal infection ensued and I ended up calling out of my weekend job the entire weekend because I was sick. As much as I hate going to the doctor, I went to the doctor and a got a note for work and some antibiotics.
I started taking the antibiotics and began to feel better but I have this lingering malaise. I wasn't supposed to go to work until Friday but decided that I would go on Tuesday after resting on Monday. I ended up getting a traffic ticket for running a stop sign at the end of the day and having this disturbing fatigue. Not only that, I had to finish my paperwork after I got home which I did not want to do because I wanted to lie down. And...what good was that? None. I spent the time talking to and joking with Karyn and deciding that I was going to quit. My original plan was to go into the office early in the morning and leave my stuff. I ended up oversleeping.
So, I went into the office to talk to the administrator so that I could give her the courtesy of knowing that I wasn't coming back. It was hard for me to do that. I felt so sad. I really wanted to do that job and quit my other job but could not afford the health insurance there. I liked everybody in the office too. They were cool!
But, I confessed to my boss that I did not want to nurse anymore. Not feeling remorseful, but incredibly sad.
I have lost my spark. I think that after doing something for 29 years, you would be tired as hell.
I didn't love myself when I began nursing. Now that I love myself my tolerance for nursing has decreased. I realize that caring for others was a way of vicariously loving myself...Hmm.
When I answered the phone, I let the administrator con me into coming in the following day. I rode with one of the nurses to some patient's houses. She was real good at what she did. I was kind of enthusiastic and was going to quit my other job. Then, I asked the secretary for the health insurance prices. That kind of put the stops on stuff. It didn't stop there. That Friday, I came down with a stomach flu...a nasal infection ensued and I ended up calling out of my weekend job the entire weekend because I was sick. As much as I hate going to the doctor, I went to the doctor and a got a note for work and some antibiotics.
I started taking the antibiotics and began to feel better but I have this lingering malaise. I wasn't supposed to go to work until Friday but decided that I would go on Tuesday after resting on Monday. I ended up getting a traffic ticket for running a stop sign at the end of the day and having this disturbing fatigue. Not only that, I had to finish my paperwork after I got home which I did not want to do because I wanted to lie down. And...what good was that? None. I spent the time talking to and joking with Karyn and deciding that I was going to quit. My original plan was to go into the office early in the morning and leave my stuff. I ended up oversleeping.
So, I went into the office to talk to the administrator so that I could give her the courtesy of knowing that I wasn't coming back. It was hard for me to do that. I felt so sad. I really wanted to do that job and quit my other job but could not afford the health insurance there. I liked everybody in the office too. They were cool!
But, I confessed to my boss that I did not want to nurse anymore. Not feeling remorseful, but incredibly sad.
I have lost my spark. I think that after doing something for 29 years, you would be tired as hell.
I didn't love myself when I began nursing. Now that I love myself my tolerance for nursing has decreased. I realize that caring for others was a way of vicariously loving myself...Hmm.
No comments:
Post a Comment