After writing this blog for the last 3-4 years I feel that I have reached the center of my angst. I kept having little nervous breakdowns for what seemed to be no good reason. They have been occurring since I was about 18. Much of my "nervous" condition attributable to the excessive consumtion of sugar and caffeine since age 16.
I am addicted to both. I was able to kick the caffeine and sugar for a few months but found that under extremely stressful conditions, I fell off of the wagon. And now I find myself here...back in angstland trying to dry myself out again.
THIS IS HORRIBLE.
My sugar addiction can be traced back to when I was very young.
I also attribute some of my angstiness to the trauma that I went through when I was little. I won't go into detail here but, I grew up in somewhat of a war zone. The war existed inside my house. So, i suffered from some for of PTSD.
Blame it on sugar, blame it on the war zone in my home...I am just plain nuts! I developed no coping skills during my young years and so I had no tolerance for anything.
I've been working diligently and feverishly to enjoy my life. I don't think many people work at enjoying their life that much. I think that we just assume that we are supposed to know how to enjoy it. We are...but for some of us enjoyment of life gets lost in translation because we are too busy trying to control events, occurances and out comes.
We don't realize that we have no control over most of the stuff that happens in our lives. If we think we do, we are fooling ourselves. Any self help book that tell you to take control of your life is selling
you snake oil. That doesn't mean we should sit idly by and just let life boll us over...we have the ability to make choices. What comes from those choices we don't really control...we can only gauge the outcome. It's kind of like playing pool.
You can make a good shot if you hit the ball at the right angle...but there is no guarantee that your perception is correct. If it is...the ball goes in the pocket. If it's not...you lose your turn. In either case...there may be some conditions that are not apparent or conditions may arise that you didn't expect. Or, conditions may change to influence the direction of your target while the ball rolls.
There is an outcome that you can reasonably expect, but there are no guarantees.
I often felt slighted because, I thought that guarantees were a given.
My angst has decreased considerably since I started writing this blog. I had fallen in love with this and didn't want to let it go. But, let it go I must. It's time to move on...and so.
I'm grateful for this blogged. It has been one of the greatest gifts that I could have given myself.
The two things that I have learned about myself is:
1)I'm not as crazy as I thought I was. (I say this because we all possess a degree of insanity...I've chosen to embrace mine. Maybe a better word is creativity).
2)It is detrimental to my physical, spiritual and mental health to consume caffeine and sugar.
Well, three things..
3) I love to write!!!
See...ya at 1/365 (that's my next blog).
I am addicted to both. I was able to kick the caffeine and sugar for a few months but found that under extremely stressful conditions, I fell off of the wagon. And now I find myself here...back in angstland trying to dry myself out again.
THIS IS HORRIBLE.
My sugar addiction can be traced back to when I was very young.
I also attribute some of my angstiness to the trauma that I went through when I was little. I won't go into detail here but, I grew up in somewhat of a war zone. The war existed inside my house. So, i suffered from some for of PTSD.
Blame it on sugar, blame it on the war zone in my home...I am just plain nuts! I developed no coping skills during my young years and so I had no tolerance for anything.
I've been working diligently and feverishly to enjoy my life. I don't think many people work at enjoying their life that much. I think that we just assume that we are supposed to know how to enjoy it. We are...but for some of us enjoyment of life gets lost in translation because we are too busy trying to control events, occurances and out comes.
We don't realize that we have no control over most of the stuff that happens in our lives. If we think we do, we are fooling ourselves. Any self help book that tell you to take control of your life is selling
you snake oil. That doesn't mean we should sit idly by and just let life boll us over...we have the ability to make choices. What comes from those choices we don't really control...we can only gauge the outcome. It's kind of like playing pool.
You can make a good shot if you hit the ball at the right angle...but there is no guarantee that your perception is correct. If it is...the ball goes in the pocket. If it's not...you lose your turn. In either case...there may be some conditions that are not apparent or conditions may arise that you didn't expect. Or, conditions may change to influence the direction of your target while the ball rolls.
There is an outcome that you can reasonably expect, but there are no guarantees.
I often felt slighted because, I thought that guarantees were a given.
My angst has decreased considerably since I started writing this blog. I had fallen in love with this and didn't want to let it go. But, let it go I must. It's time to move on...and so.
I'm grateful for this blogged. It has been one of the greatest gifts that I could have given myself.
The two things that I have learned about myself is:
1)I'm not as crazy as I thought I was. (I say this because we all possess a degree of insanity...I've chosen to embrace mine. Maybe a better word is creativity).
2)It is detrimental to my physical, spiritual and mental health to consume caffeine and sugar.
Well, three things..
3) I love to write!!!
See...ya at 1/365 (that's my next blog).
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