I was trying to close this blog. Apparently, Blogger is not ready to open another blog for me so I'm blogging on my first love here today and now. For now. I feel really alive when I blog. Call it weird or whatever...that's the way it is. I'm a blog addict.
It must be similar to being a histrionic person...someone who loves being in the limelight... I certainly do. I can't say it doesn't matter wether anyone reads this or not. If I only get one hit...it makes me just feel lovely...luvli!!! (I luv spelling luvli like that...luvli). Blogging is like looking at yourself in the mirror and admiring your assets and noticing your flaws.
It's cloudy and rainy outside today. I still have that rushing feeling that I've had for two months. It is from eating sugar and drinking caffeine. The sugar effects me even worse than the caffeine, but I have been eating it anyway. That is self abuse. I'm going to stop.
I don't feel as racy as I did yesterday. I feel much better. Yesterday, I was jittery and irritable. Everything got on my nerves and made me jumpy. When the boys were arguing and throwing things at each other, i wanted to scream. Ky was being very rude and that irritated me too. I guess I'll try to take them to the movies today. Maybe it will keep the boys from tearing each others head of.
It will also make the time pass quickly.
Since I have been watching them after school, my schedule has been all off. My sleep schedule has been all discombobulated and upheaved. I don't know which way is up. i find myself making promises to myself and not keeping them. Like making a to do list that I completely ignore, knowing that I have to fix the things on it, make appointments etc.
So, this is a day in the life.
Yesterday, I got a call from my father. He is upset and says that he was going out to the house in the country. I told him that sometimes it's good to be alone when you get "nervous". It helps to be in a quiet environment. Then calls my eldest sister who states that she is riding out to the country to get Daddy. She made a slew of excuses as to why she should go get him. He's 85, he's sick, she can get off work early... She asked me if I wanted to go. I said no. She asked me why. I listed all of the reasons as to why I would not ride out with her. It was as though she didn't hear a word I said.
Then she asked me if I could drive him two hours--three from where I live-- to the country on Thursday. When, I told her that I didn't think that I could do that, she got an attitude and said goodbye and hung up.
I'm not taking my father back to the country on Thursday. I have a life. I will no longer allow my family members to disrupt it at their convenience. They can do whatever they think is best. I am determined to do the same. Guilt free.
I'm tired...of? I'm tired of being ignored by my family when they are doing well and called upon when they have created a mess or crisis. I'm not playing rescuer. For now anyway.
So, my eldest sister can be mad. I've often sought my family out, just to be with them. They never visit...barely call. And when I call them, they don't want to answer the phone. I will love them from afar. Genuinely.
It must be similar to being a histrionic person...someone who loves being in the limelight... I certainly do. I can't say it doesn't matter wether anyone reads this or not. If I only get one hit...it makes me just feel lovely...luvli!!! (I luv spelling luvli like that...luvli). Blogging is like looking at yourself in the mirror and admiring your assets and noticing your flaws.
It's cloudy and rainy outside today. I still have that rushing feeling that I've had for two months. It is from eating sugar and drinking caffeine. The sugar effects me even worse than the caffeine, but I have been eating it anyway. That is self abuse. I'm going to stop.
I don't feel as racy as I did yesterday. I feel much better. Yesterday, I was jittery and irritable. Everything got on my nerves and made me jumpy. When the boys were arguing and throwing things at each other, i wanted to scream. Ky was being very rude and that irritated me too. I guess I'll try to take them to the movies today. Maybe it will keep the boys from tearing each others head of.
It will also make the time pass quickly.
Since I have been watching them after school, my schedule has been all off. My sleep schedule has been all discombobulated and upheaved. I don't know which way is up. i find myself making promises to myself and not keeping them. Like making a to do list that I completely ignore, knowing that I have to fix the things on it, make appointments etc.
So, this is a day in the life.
Yesterday, I got a call from my father. He is upset and says that he was going out to the house in the country. I told him that sometimes it's good to be alone when you get "nervous". It helps to be in a quiet environment. Then calls my eldest sister who states that she is riding out to the country to get Daddy. She made a slew of excuses as to why she should go get him. He's 85, he's sick, she can get off work early... She asked me if I wanted to go. I said no. She asked me why. I listed all of the reasons as to why I would not ride out with her. It was as though she didn't hear a word I said.
Then she asked me if I could drive him two hours--three from where I live-- to the country on Thursday. When, I told her that I didn't think that I could do that, she got an attitude and said goodbye and hung up.
I'm not taking my father back to the country on Thursday. I have a life. I will no longer allow my family members to disrupt it at their convenience. They can do whatever they think is best. I am determined to do the same. Guilt free.
I'm tired...of? I'm tired of being ignored by my family when they are doing well and called upon when they have created a mess or crisis. I'm not playing rescuer. For now anyway.
So, my eldest sister can be mad. I've often sought my family out, just to be with them. They never visit...barely call. And when I call them, they don't want to answer the phone. I will love them from afar. Genuinely.
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