I Am Still (A Little)

I am still- a little.  I can be still if I want to at will.  I have to focus on myself and forget everyone else. Focus is the key word here.  Anxiety comes when I think about what everyone else needs or how I want the world to be or I enumerate my troubles and worries.  When I think about needing to lose weight or how I'm going to try to fix the upstairs air conditioner or when I think about how diabolical and hateful people are.  When I realize that I cannot eat all of the sugar or drink all of the coffee that I want or can't travel  he world over or keep my house clean.  Or when I realize that God want's me all to himself...

That last one really scares me (Better he than the devil).

More than anything else, when I realize how far away I am from being who I want to be. Well maybe I'm exaggerating- probably not that far.  (I'm a little depressed today I guess, but I can be still).  I don't have to jiggle all over the place emotionally or try to solve all of my problems today, or trying to adjust myself to someone else's liking.( am I a sucker or what)?  ( I do need to go to the pharmacy and pick up some medication that I should have picked up a few days ago though).  It's not like I don't have resources.  I have people knocking at my door asking me to work... but I don't want to.  So, what do I want to do?

Be still.