I don't feel good. I'm dying inside. I don't like this feeling of fatigue and raw exhaustion. Every so often I get angry too. I got mad at my daughter last night when she said she was going to go live with my elder sister. I told her not to come back home when I fixed the air conditioner. I don't think it was so much her going to stay over there as it is she lied about it when I asked her. "I don't know", she said. I knew that she was not telling the truth. I felt a little betrayed. It is so typical of the family that I grew up in. All of my buttons went in and I told her to stay over there and when I got enough money to fix the air conditioner that she couldn't come back home.
She's twenty five. She can do what she wants. I was wrong.
To say that I'm unhappy is an understatement. Miserable is what I am. I hate working for this company and I want to move on but am finding it absolutely difficult to move on. When I passed in my resignation, they held on to my legs and begged me not to go. I conceded, I regret it. I need to leave that place. As long as I'm there I feel bogged and weighed down. The job is not that hard. I have allowed everyone to heap their baggage on me. It sucks.
What do I do? I'm still now. It does not feel peaceful or good. As long as I'm on the move, I can't feel anything. That's what has kept me there. My job is a dark cloud hanging over my head, raining acid and eating away at my core. My boss doesn't get it. I don't get it. Who in their right mind would stay still for that?
How can I get mad at my daughter for betraying me, when I keep lying to myself?
THINK about it.
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