If stillness is a gift, that means I can't grab it off of the shelf anytime I want to...I have to wait for it. Someone has to give it too me. Obstacles assault my reception...lack of acceptance of my powerlessness, lack of surrender, lack of patience. I wanted to hurry up and be still. To calm the emotional pain and fear. Stillness is beginning to come to me, periodically for short periods of time. It is a hard to describe. The calm of still that I feel is nothing like I've ever felt before. To be perfectly still is to access a portion of my being that seemed inaccessible. Still...serenity is present within the stillness, it is like floating on water on my back in a pool and even though you see nothing, you are conscious of everything. Glimpses of stillness...
I'm not sure that I'm supposed to think of these things. If I were completely still all of the time, I am sure that my heart rate and respirations would slow to an almost undetectable rate.
I'm tired.
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