I'm a woman on a mission and I've been speeding with a frenzy that you wouldn't believe and I've gotten nothing accomplished. The result of raw, irrational anxiety. So, now it's time for me to stop.
Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? The four basic needs that I need to attend to. I've neglected them-ALL. Because, all of my attention has been other focused.
I don't feel like writing this and I need to take another nap before I go to work. Maybe, I should stay home. I have to show up at work at some point. I don't won't to go to work...
Well, I just ate. I'm not really pissed. But, that loneliness of mine is a persistent state, which could cause vegetation to grow all over me. I had a nightmare that this guy who had gone fishing had caught all these hands and he was throwing them out of a big tank with murky water. I acted like this was normal in the dream, but now that I think of it.
I am still having a difficult time settling myself down. A result--I believe--of eating sugar and drinking caffeine or too much aspartame. I keep developing these mild persistent headaches. I need to lay off the sugar, caffeine and aspartame and maltodextrin. Maltodextrin is the worse. Anyway...what will I use to sweeten my drinks without sugar, aspartame and maltodextrin?
Who knows. I don't really know but, bouncing off the walls is no fun at 53. I feel like I have multiple personality disorder. With all these mood swings and anxiety and not knowing what to do or not wanting to sit down half the time. I really feel sorry for people with ADD.
There is a Comcast truck outside my window with one of those people buckets that help people climb up to the wires on poles. I get nervous when trucks are outside of my door and I didn't call anybody. I feel tired. Okay God...what to do next?
I am trying to have patience but I read something in a Kahlil Gibran book that said patience can cloak itself as something else...I'm going to have to look it up later cause I have to nap. I' m so afraid of everything it seems. I think when someone betrays you...like they do at work, it can make you afraid. The question is not whether I should or shouldn't stay in a situation where people are deceptive and mean and hateful. The question is where else can I go where people aren't? What am I?
Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? The four basic needs that I need to attend to. I've neglected them-ALL. Because, all of my attention has been other focused.
I don't feel like writing this and I need to take another nap before I go to work. Maybe, I should stay home. I have to show up at work at some point. I don't won't to go to work...
Well, I just ate. I'm not really pissed. But, that loneliness of mine is a persistent state, which could cause vegetation to grow all over me. I had a nightmare that this guy who had gone fishing had caught all these hands and he was throwing them out of a big tank with murky water. I acted like this was normal in the dream, but now that I think of it.
I am still having a difficult time settling myself down. A result--I believe--of eating sugar and drinking caffeine or too much aspartame. I keep developing these mild persistent headaches. I need to lay off the sugar, caffeine and aspartame and maltodextrin. Maltodextrin is the worse. Anyway...what will I use to sweeten my drinks without sugar, aspartame and maltodextrin?
Who knows. I don't really know but, bouncing off the walls is no fun at 53. I feel like I have multiple personality disorder. With all these mood swings and anxiety and not knowing what to do or not wanting to sit down half the time. I really feel sorry for people with ADD.
There is a Comcast truck outside my window with one of those people buckets that help people climb up to the wires on poles. I get nervous when trucks are outside of my door and I didn't call anybody. I feel tired. Okay God...what to do next?
I am trying to have patience but I read something in a Kahlil Gibran book that said patience can cloak itself as something else...I'm going to have to look it up later cause I have to nap. I' m so afraid of everything it seems. I think when someone betrays you...like they do at work, it can make you afraid. The question is not whether I should or shouldn't stay in a situation where people are deceptive and mean and hateful. The question is where else can I go where people aren't? What am I?
2 comments:
I liked what you said in your 'About Me' section about anger not being managed but properly expressed. So true.
Hey howcome no one ever talks about managing love or joy? LOL Anger gets a bad rap and it's such an important emotion.
Anger needs to be managed when you are constantly using it to hurt yourself or others. When it becomes destructive. Joy needs to be managed if you are expressing it inappropriately. Love needs only to be expressed, not managed...True love that is.
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