I felt so empty this weekend that I figured that the answer to all of my woes was to go to church. So, I was determined, come hell or high water to go to church this weekend. Until Sunday morning. It's my coworkers fault, that I didn't go. He said he wasn't going to church because he was sleep. He said that he was going home and going to bed. So, I thought about how tired I was and I decided that I was going home and going to bed too.
So, I did.
I had to think about my desparate desire to go to church. Why today, all of a sudden did I have to go to church? I get into these obsessive modes and think that if I do the one thing that I'm obsessed about, all of my demons will disappear. It was simple when I really thought about it. I didn't want to go home to be alone. I needed to be around other people. Plus, I felt like I needed to let god know that I was still here. That I needed his assistance and his attention. I swear that He forgets about me sometimes. But then, it's easy to blame it on Him.
I was doing that instant gratification, patch it up make it all better, feel good today thing.
My motives weren't that pure, so I didn't go. I just stayed home. Sometimes I wonder why anybody goes, with the state of the world today...you wouldn't think that anybody was darkening the church doors.
Okay...so then that brings in my question about my relationship with God and how to have a more genuine and natural discourse with my Higher Power. I know that God knows who I am. I know that God knows what I need. I know that God knows that I love Him and that He loves me. Okay...so then you start quoting bible verses. Where to or three are gathered...and stuff like that. Ministers always tell you how important it is to go to church. How many of them really benefit spiritually?
Maybe that 's none of my business.
Some of the ritual expectations that we put on ourselves are simply that... ritualistic expectations. If you don't study the bible and contact God on a regular basis...what good does going to church one day a week do? I don't know. It may help some people. It may have helped me. But, I don't believe that God wants me to torture myself with sleep deprivation. So, I didn't. I just came home and went to sleep on Sunday.
Maybe I'll try to go to church this Sunday.
So, I did.
I had to think about my desparate desire to go to church. Why today, all of a sudden did I have to go to church? I get into these obsessive modes and think that if I do the one thing that I'm obsessed about, all of my demons will disappear. It was simple when I really thought about it. I didn't want to go home to be alone. I needed to be around other people. Plus, I felt like I needed to let god know that I was still here. That I needed his assistance and his attention. I swear that He forgets about me sometimes. But then, it's easy to blame it on Him.
I was doing that instant gratification, patch it up make it all better, feel good today thing.
My motives weren't that pure, so I didn't go. I just stayed home. Sometimes I wonder why anybody goes, with the state of the world today...you wouldn't think that anybody was darkening the church doors.
Okay...so then that brings in my question about my relationship with God and how to have a more genuine and natural discourse with my Higher Power. I know that God knows who I am. I know that God knows what I need. I know that God knows that I love Him and that He loves me. Okay...so then you start quoting bible verses. Where to or three are gathered...and stuff like that. Ministers always tell you how important it is to go to church. How many of them really benefit spiritually?
Maybe that 's none of my business.
Some of the ritual expectations that we put on ourselves are simply that... ritualistic expectations. If you don't study the bible and contact God on a regular basis...what good does going to church one day a week do? I don't know. It may help some people. It may have helped me. But, I don't believe that God wants me to torture myself with sleep deprivation. So, I didn't. I just came home and went to sleep on Sunday.
Maybe I'll try to go to church this Sunday.
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