I'm a little anxious today and I'm imploding like a dying star. I hate feeling like this. It's the result of drinking coffee and eating ice cream with lots of sugar. I couldn't resist the ice cream. I took the kids to Bruster's yesterday and just lost it when I saw their ice cream and I didn't have any. So, I got an apple dumpling with cinnamon syrup and vanilla ice cream. Yummmm-ma.
I'm paying for it this morning with the jitters...I hate feeling this way. I'd really like to go back to sleep and wake up feeling a lot calmer. Also, I have to go up to my young son's school and I need to clean up my room and journal. I always journal in the morning....lately though, its been a struggle. I haven't been wanting to write for some reason. I think that maybe a truth is about to reveal itself that I'm trying to hide from. Hiding is my forte...it's what I do.
I guess I even try to hide from myself. A part of my personality must be shy. I'm sleepy and I have a headache. I made some terribly fattening Mexican pie. I don't make it that often . I like to eat it cold. The flavors come through alot stronger when you eat it cold.
My older son has decided to do a drag show. I told my older daughter and she wrinkled up her face. I didn't know that she was homophobic. I remembered when she was in high school and I told her that I thought her brother was gay, she cried. I did too at first. But, then I tried to encourage my son to accept the gay part of himself. I don't think he was ready. I was kind of ready. No one wants their child to be gay or lesbian or bi or transsexual. Well that's the way I thought back then.
But, it doesn't matter to me. He's my son. If he decided to have a sex change, then he'd become my daughter.
I told my daughter that I was going to the show if he made the audition. She said she wasn't ready. That's fine. I am.
As for the jitters. One of the things that Deepak Chopra talks about in his book Reinventing the Body, Ressurecting the Soul is how we can be timeless. I like that. When I get the jitters, it appears that I don't have enough time to do anything. It's like I am just running way ahead of me and I am in back of me trying to get the ahead part of me to notice that she's leaving me behind.
I have been like this for the past few months. Living like this full of guilt, remorse, regret, anger and just unresolved emotional fallout that just resurfaces like oil spilled in the Gulf of Mexico. It contaminates, sticks to, spoils and kills everything that looks like joy in your life. Timelessness...Wow! That cleans all that fallout off.
I'm tired...think I'll go to the library and "three page" myself...
And be Timeless.
I'm paying for it this morning with the jitters...I hate feeling this way. I'd really like to go back to sleep and wake up feeling a lot calmer. Also, I have to go up to my young son's school and I need to clean up my room and journal. I always journal in the morning....lately though, its been a struggle. I haven't been wanting to write for some reason. I think that maybe a truth is about to reveal itself that I'm trying to hide from. Hiding is my forte...it's what I do.
I guess I even try to hide from myself. A part of my personality must be shy. I'm sleepy and I have a headache. I made some terribly fattening Mexican pie. I don't make it that often . I like to eat it cold. The flavors come through alot stronger when you eat it cold.
My older son has decided to do a drag show. I told my older daughter and she wrinkled up her face. I didn't know that she was homophobic. I remembered when she was in high school and I told her that I thought her brother was gay, she cried. I did too at first. But, then I tried to encourage my son to accept the gay part of himself. I don't think he was ready. I was kind of ready. No one wants their child to be gay or lesbian or bi or transsexual. Well that's the way I thought back then.
But, it doesn't matter to me. He's my son. If he decided to have a sex change, then he'd become my daughter.
I told my daughter that I was going to the show if he made the audition. She said she wasn't ready. That's fine. I am.
As for the jitters. One of the things that Deepak Chopra talks about in his book Reinventing the Body, Ressurecting the Soul is how we can be timeless. I like that. When I get the jitters, it appears that I don't have enough time to do anything. It's like I am just running way ahead of me and I am in back of me trying to get the ahead part of me to notice that she's leaving me behind.
I have been like this for the past few months. Living like this full of guilt, remorse, regret, anger and just unresolved emotional fallout that just resurfaces like oil spilled in the Gulf of Mexico. It contaminates, sticks to, spoils and kills everything that looks like joy in your life. Timelessness...Wow! That cleans all that fallout off.
I'm tired...think I'll go to the library and "three page" myself...
And be Timeless.
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