I have writer's guilt this morning. It's guilt that tells you maybe you shouldn't be doing this. that you sholdn't be writing about your co workers and family members and that maybe you should just go backtosleep cause you'llnever have that bestseller thaty've beentryna write for the past 40 years.
in order to get over writers guilt, I have to write and say eff you to the whole effin world because I plan to write wether Ihave a best seller or not. Something soothing about writing just keeps me doing it. I like writing whether I'm tapping on a keyboard or just...just writinglong hand. this is the first timethat I posted this. One of my alteregos doesn't like for me to write...she always wants to go out and do stuff to make the world better and stop total disaster. I keep telling her that it's not within her power to do but she does not believe me and she keeps cropping up. I remember her when iwas a little girl on the fringe of puberty about 12. some idiot in the Boston globe newspaper said that an asteroid was going to hit the earth and destroy us all. I went into hysterics and had a panic attack. I really don't know what I was worried about...my life wasn't that gleeful backthen but I didn't want to die. Mythinking was I wouldn'tknow whether mylife was gleeful or not if I died. I remember my sister taking me to the wake of a young girl named clarisse blake who had beenbeat to death. I swear that was the worse image that I'd ever seen. I didn't go to any funerals for a long time after that and I stillhave trouble staying inthe chapel whenI go. I didn't stay for mother's whole funeral or nana's. I didn't even go to aunt mae's funeral. I don't know why we have funerals anyway...especially when so many people think that nothing happens after this...nothing. What a sad and hopeless thought. I kind of loss my place in life this week. I feel discombobulated and dissheveled. I want a cure for this. The only thing I can think of is to leave the state and go live somewhere else. That will not cure what ails me and I am not even sure what ails me.. Caffeine withdrawl...anger and disdain. Okay so what am I supposed to be writing about again?
in order to get over writers guilt, I have to write and say eff you to the whole effin world because I plan to write wether Ihave a best seller or not. Something soothing about writing just keeps me doing it. I like writing whether I'm tapping on a keyboard or just...just writinglong hand. this is the first timethat I posted this. One of my alteregos doesn't like for me to write...she always wants to go out and do stuff to make the world better and stop total disaster. I keep telling her that it's not within her power to do but she does not believe me and she keeps cropping up. I remember her when iwas a little girl on the fringe of puberty about 12. some idiot in the Boston globe newspaper said that an asteroid was going to hit the earth and destroy us all. I went into hysterics and had a panic attack. I really don't know what I was worried about...my life wasn't that gleeful backthen but I didn't want to die. Mythinking was I wouldn'tknow whether mylife was gleeful or not if I died. I remember my sister taking me to the wake of a young girl named clarisse blake who had beenbeat to death. I swear that was the worse image that I'd ever seen. I didn't go to any funerals for a long time after that and I stillhave trouble staying inthe chapel whenI go. I didn't stay for mother's whole funeral or nana's. I didn't even go to aunt mae's funeral. I don't know why we have funerals anyway...especially when so many people think that nothing happens after this...nothing. What a sad and hopeless thought. I kind of loss my place in life this week. I feel discombobulated and dissheveled. I want a cure for this. The only thing I can think of is to leave the state and go live somewhere else. That will not cure what ails me and I am not even sure what ails me.. Caffeine withdrawl...anger and disdain. Okay so what am I supposed to be writing about again?
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