I'm having a sleepless night. I took time off from work this weekend because, my son's dad is leaving for Virginia this week. So, I thought he was leaving for Virginia this weekend and I wanted to help my son make the transition but, he went to spend the night at his dad's house. This is his dad's last weekend here.
So, I sit alone in the bed. Initially I was playing games on the computer, like Collapse and Gardens of Time. I got tired of doing that so, I decided that this would be a good time to blog.
I am emotionally and spiritually mired in quicksand. How I got here, I don't know. It always comes as a surprise for me when I'm stuck. It's usually a sign that I'm in denial about something or other. I could make a list of all the things that I'm in denial about. But, if you're in denial about something...would you necessarily know what it is?
Possibly. I won't make a list. I made a gratitude list once on this blog and I was absolutely appalled at some of the stuff that I put on it when I glanced at it. I think that I was really grateful for about half of them, the others I was trying to be grateful for but they didn't quite make the cut and I put them on there anyway. I wasn't really sure how to be grateful at the time. I do now, though.
I'm sitting up here writing on the computer and... this computer kind of does crazy things, sometimes. Things just appear on the screen. Well...maybe I'm hitting keys that I shouldn't be striking.
I'm tired but I can't sleep. My eldest came in here and sat on my bed for a minute. I think she got aggravated at me because she was in a group picture with her sorors and they all had black dresses on it. Hers stood out because it had this huge colorful applique on it that looked like a bouquet of flowers. I wasn't sure what it was and I said, "What the hell is that on your dress?" I realized that should have suppressed the urge to ask that question when she snatched the picture away and changed the subject.
I don't mean to aggravate this child but, she gets upset if I take a deep breath. All sorts of things ran through my mind when I was looking at that picture. Like, why didn't she wear a solid black dress so she wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb? It almost looked like she was wearing it because she wanted to look different from everyone else.
I think she showed me the picture so that, I would say something to aggravate her. It worked...I did! I wonder if all mother-daughter relationships as strained as ours is? Sometimes I think that girl hates me. Maybe, I havent' t learned how to fully love myself.
I bought myself two pairs of decent shoes today. Well actually, a pair of sneakers and a pair of shoes. I was going to wear the sneakers to work but, decided that I need something a little sturdier. Although, they are very comfortable.
I'm going to sleep. For now, I'll just stay in denial until, I my subconscious decides to tap me on the shoulder or hit me over the head with a ton of bricks. G'night. It's about 12:30 AM where I am.
So, I sit alone in the bed. Initially I was playing games on the computer, like Collapse and Gardens of Time. I got tired of doing that so, I decided that this would be a good time to blog.
I am emotionally and spiritually mired in quicksand. How I got here, I don't know. It always comes as a surprise for me when I'm stuck. It's usually a sign that I'm in denial about something or other. I could make a list of all the things that I'm in denial about. But, if you're in denial about something...would you necessarily know what it is?
Possibly. I won't make a list. I made a gratitude list once on this blog and I was absolutely appalled at some of the stuff that I put on it when I glanced at it. I think that I was really grateful for about half of them, the others I was trying to be grateful for but they didn't quite make the cut and I put them on there anyway. I wasn't really sure how to be grateful at the time. I do now, though.
I'm sitting up here writing on the computer and... this computer kind of does crazy things, sometimes. Things just appear on the screen. Well...maybe I'm hitting keys that I shouldn't be striking.
I'm tired but I can't sleep. My eldest came in here and sat on my bed for a minute. I think she got aggravated at me because she was in a group picture with her sorors and they all had black dresses on it. Hers stood out because it had this huge colorful applique on it that looked like a bouquet of flowers. I wasn't sure what it was and I said, "What the hell is that on your dress?" I realized that should have suppressed the urge to ask that question when she snatched the picture away and changed the subject.
I don't mean to aggravate this child but, she gets upset if I take a deep breath. All sorts of things ran through my mind when I was looking at that picture. Like, why didn't she wear a solid black dress so she wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb? It almost looked like she was wearing it because she wanted to look different from everyone else.
I think she showed me the picture so that, I would say something to aggravate her. It worked...I did! I wonder if all mother-daughter relationships as strained as ours is? Sometimes I think that girl hates me. Maybe, I havent' t learned how to fully love myself.
I bought myself two pairs of decent shoes today. Well actually, a pair of sneakers and a pair of shoes. I was going to wear the sneakers to work but, decided that I need something a little sturdier. Although, they are very comfortable.
I'm going to sleep. For now, I'll just stay in denial until, I my subconscious decides to tap me on the shoulder or hit me over the head with a ton of bricks. G'night. It's about 12:30 AM where I am.
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